Its hard to describe the fragility of life, the vulnerability of it all until it hits you smack in the face. Only then do you realise that perhaps, there have been many things that we took for granted, many thanks we've yet to say, many relationships we've yet to mend, many sorries left unforgiven.

I had a friend who was diagnosed with cancer last nov or so. I guess at that moment it would have been more apt to be call her an acquiantance. Because if i were a friend, I would have found out about it a whole lot earlier, and not in june this year when I did the hair for hope thing. I would have found out a lot earlier and perhaps had been able to spend a little more time with her. She is the same age as me, and also a recent graduate of NUS.

I was told that she was hospitalised and that the cancer had spread to her lungs. Her friends decided to visit her somewhere end september/early october on a weekend. But I wasn't able to make it then. Two weeks later, i gathered the courage, to take some time off and make the trip to Penang. I got her a precious moment figurine, one of the things she sppreciated in life. On that saturday, i visited her in hospital but she didn't want to see anybody nor talk to anyone cause she couldn't speak. All i could do was catch a glimpse of her from afar. Even then I felt embarassed when talking to her mom, as i passed her the gift. She was a shadow of her former self, so different from what i remember her to be. A vivacious and jolly girl always with a smile and a shoulder for others to lean on, and here she was, completely frail and vulnerable.

I went on to visit friends in Penang, went home to perak and also made a stop in KL to visit a friend which didn't really happened. And i went back to Singapore on a wednesday and when i turned my HP on, the first news I got was that she had passed away on Tuesday.

As I walked out the bus stop to the adjoining shopping mall, I saw smiling faces, people walking hand in hand. I heard laughter and I wondered about it all. Didn't anyone realise that one of us was not with us anymore? Did these people understood the fragility of it all, of their existence. Are they all still taking a cavalier outlook on life.

Today, I can only keep with me the memories i've had with her. Of her kindness and compassion and gentle spirit. Her blog is still up in the ether with some of her last jottings, some of her fond memories and her facebook and friendster account remains as a memorial to her, with pictures of her in her better days. At the end of it, she learnt to appreciate the simpler things in life, like a walk on the beach, and watching the sunset. Will I learn to do the same? Life is too short for petty worries and arguments and for bad relationships to linger in the air.

May you rest in peace my friend, and thank you for the memories, and the kindness you've extended to me.