Corinne May's 5 Loaves and 2 fishes

A little boy of thirteen
was on his way to school
He heard a crowd of people laughing
and he went to take a look
Thousands were listening
to the stories of one man
He spoke with such wisdom,
even the kids could understand

The hours passed so quickly
the day turned to night
Everyone was hungry
but there was no food in sight
The boy looked in his lunchbox
at the little that he had
He wasn't sure what good it'd do
there were thousands to be fed

But he saw the twinkling eyes of Jesus
the kindness in His smile
and the boy cried out
with the trust of a child
he said:

"Take my five loaves and two fishes
Do with it as you will
I surrender
Take my fears and inhibitions
All my burdens, my ambitions
You can use it all
to feed them all"

I often think about that boy
when I'm feeling small
and I worry that the work I do
means nothing at all

But every single tear I cry
is a diamond in His hands
and every door that slams in my face
I will offer up in prayer

So I'll give you every breadth that I have
Oh Lord, you can work miracles
All that you need is my "Amen"

Take my five loaves and two fishes
Do with it as you will
I surrender
Take my fears and inhibitions
All my burdens, my ambitions
You can use it all
I hope it's not too small

I trust in you
I trust in you

Take my five loaves and two fishes
Do with it as you will
I surrender
Take my fears and inhibitions
All my burdens, my ambitions
You can use it all
no gift is too small


For those who have me on msn, you'd have seen that this is written in my nick. When i first heard the song, I thought it was very meaningful, even today i still think it is. I think it gives me a different view of who I am...i mean the story of the 5 loaves and 2 fishes..was all the time taught as a story where God's greatness is displayed...but in this song, it gives me a different view of things. This song tells me that God can use me, and He can use me in whatever broken state that I am for His purpose. With 5 loaves and 2 fishes, Jesus fed thousands of people. How much more can he do with me.  ¶ 7:03 PM 0 Comments Links to this post

  It's been a while It's been a while...and I guess a lot of things has happened since my last post.  ¶ 12:25 PM 0 Comments Links to this post

  on today we interrupt this programme for a special announcement

it's gonna be my birthday in a couple of days!!

now we return to our regular programming.

24 years of existence, what can I say for myself? Nothing much really :p

anyway, I guess i'm a bundle of contradiction. On one hand i would really appreciate it if ppl did remember my birthday. On the other, I believe i shouldn't announce it to the world. and yet again, i feel sorely disappointed when the day comes and goes when I didn't get as many wishes/presents as i'd have hoped

on another note, it's also somewhat similar when it comes to relationships. On one hand it's great to have good personal platonic friendship. on another hand, feelings do grow, and it would be nice to take things to a whole new level. BUT trying to change the current status could lead to more disastrous results such as losing your friend.

should we therefore maintain the status quo, live in a life we're comfortable with, or take the risk to make things potentially better. The thing about risks is tho there are rewards, there will also be the possibility of losing out as well. the safest bet is to remain as it is, unchanging but is that the best solution. Some would say to take some form of calculated risk, that we have proper risk management, but no matter how well you calculate a risk is your risk. I guess the question now becomes, is it something that you can consider losing? i.e. if the risk doesn't work out, are you willing to accept the worse off situation?

for me most of the time the answer is no. and so the status quo remains, that we shall not change anything since we're so comfortable with it. if only there are clearer indicators. like i've wished b4, that people could wear their hearts on their sleeves. and yet, putting our hearts on our sleeves leaves us in a vulnerable position, for others to rip it out. and yet we require trust.

contradictions contradictions contradictions.

i crave companionship.

having lotsa random thoughts, random musings and ideas. I miss having my nightwalks. Perhaps tat's y i enjoy night safari so much. The night walks together with the tranquility of nature. Interesting world we live in, so many people passing by. Wonder what's in their mind. A penny for YOUR thoughts? well we're in sgd, twenty cents for a piece of your mind?

work is fun. getting more interesting, challenging and harrowing. but i still think its fun.

gonna celebrate my bday at work. with the ppl i work with.

on another note, after we enter this new chapter called work, some of my other colleagues are already beginning to pen their new chapter called marriage. quite interesting really. can't imagine it being me. as it is i've not obtained the muse required to pen the chapter. but really interesting. 3 colleagus at least, 2 of similar age. does that mean i'm a late bloomer? maybe that means i'm a failure?

do u remember the times of past, where education seems to determine your status in life. where in school, what matters is not the person who has seen the most, or read the most but rather the person who has the most a's. i've always wondered how that is a true reflection of life. are ppl who are succesful in school succesful in real life? ppl seem to believe it then. but i wonder about it now.

random thoughts random musings random ideas.

i type a lot i realise. one last thing. surgery's gonna be either early nov or in january. chance of death is real. well, all i can say is, i''ve few regrets. and i'm truly grateful and appreciative for all that i've gone through and all that i have. That God has truly blest me in my life. tho there are a few things that i wished were different, these are not within my control.

regards

+cxtreme

  ¶ 6:37 PM 4 Comments Links to this post

  New Toy




hehehehehehe  ¶ 9:30 PM 0 Comments Links to this post

  Chronos Time...
time heals all wounds..
time is golden..
time is transient..
time is a figment of imagination..
time bears witness to all..
time once lost can never be regained..



it's been about a month plus since i started work.. but i dont think that anything has changed in anyway. I mean, you hear about people talking about 'chapter's in your life..where you change from being one to being another, but for me it remains pretty much the same. I wear the same clothes as when i was studying and i think i still behave the same. Knowledgeable in some areas, mature in others, while being ignorant and childish when it comes to other aspects of life..things haven't changed at all..

on another note, DNA test results are back. And the results show that we can go ahead with the transplantation pending some other minor tests to be done first. Hmm, thinking about this issue I guess has brought the whole issue of mortality to mind. The surgery, although not very risky can potentially lead to death, as in we're never too sure if everything's gonna go alright. If things go wrong, it could also lead to a lower standard of life for myself. Well I guess this isn't the real issue when it comes to myself. I mean, i've made a commitment and I really want to see it through. Plus i'd do anything to help the little fella, even if it means sacrificing my life.

I remember a story about a kid, who was asked to donate blood his bone marrow to his brother I believe. And after looking fearful for a while, and giving it some thought, the kid said okay. And he told his parents to take care of his brother after he was dead. Being young, he couldn't fully understand the concept of donation, and he thought that by doing the act of donating, he would die after that. And still, he bravely went ahead in the face of death, all for his brother.

I guess for me, even if they would tell me that the chances for mortality is high, i would go ahead and do it. I think i've had quite an interesting life so far, fulfilling to a high degree and with few regrets. But the question would be...if i was faced with death maybe next week, what would I do today? Are there things that i haven't done or haven't said? are there apologies to be made, loose ends to be tied up? Are there things to put in order? And are there wishes to be fulfilled?

i guess words cannot adequately express how i feel right now..  ¶ 9:50 PM 0 Comments Links to this post

  Life Goes On

You either die a hero, or live long enough to become the villain - Harvey Dent-

Dark Knight I feel is one of the best movies so far that i've watched. In a sense, it's a 'thinking' movie, something that will make you pause for a moment and ponder the issues. Not to mention Batpod from the Tumbler is way-way cool!!! .

But one thing i've never did figure out was Batman's motivation. The joker, he's simple, he's just maniacal. But Batman, what drives him? He doesn't believe that Gotham isn't evil, or is deeply convinced that it is worth saving, i mean maybe he does but i just don't get that vibe from him. He's a more cynical superhero than that, different from Jonathan Stark of Ironmen who became a hero becuase of the memory of his weapons causing destruction and of his friend in the cave. Superman oozes pure Goodness, so no choice..gotta be the good guy...but Batman, in this dark knigh series, i really can't figure out. Maybe initially it's to impress his gal pal, but then he got so attached to his character. Now it appears to me that catching criminal is more of a sport to Batman, something to be done for fun and entertainment. In that, he is no different and is as maniacal as the Joker, who robs banks for fun. Only difference is perhaps his rules or his code of ethics.

On another front, it is quite sad to see things turn this badly this fast. And no, my reaction would have been the same if it was anybody else, if what they had done had been so obvious and in your face. I wouldn't say that it wasn't unexpected, just the speed and severity of it left me a little dumbfounded. And it did wonders for my self-esteem too but i guess Life goes on... I dont really know how to explain this, but things really aren't what they seem to be, to a certain degree. I really should stop playing mind games..



goodnight  ¶ 10:29 PM 0 Comments Links to this post

  Randy Pausch's Last Lecture and other stuff hmm..sometimes it feels like such a chore to blog.. and i wonder whether there are people who actually visits this site. At any rate, the written word serves as a good reminder of things past, of things to come, and of things that will remain. Haha Meyy perhaps you're right, it is the story that becomes the legacy, and as such it is important to chronicle the thoughts and deeds in case this will be the only legacy i leave behind.

A few random thoughts on a few random issue..



1. Randy Pausch's Last Lecture
Randy was a former processor with the Carnegie Mellon University. Former, because he just passed away sometime this week. In the university, there was a series of lectures called the Last lecture, essentially a chance for professors to imagine what the end of their life would be like, and how to impart pearls of wisdom to their protege and students. In Randy's case, the irony of it was that he was truly giving a last lecture. He was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, having 10 tumors in his liver, and the prognosis then was only about another 3-6 months to live. And he gave this wonderfully superb lecture, which you can find on youtube.

Meyy gave me his book as a graduation gift and I just started reading it about a week ago. And all i can say up to now is that I've been completely awed by his tenacity, his zest and his drive for life, and how his life lesson's truly are applicable to all. One quote that i'll like to put here ,which i think wil be relevant to me in the next few months is this "When you're screwing up and nobody says anything to you anymore, that means they've given up on you." Sometimes a little bit of scolding goes a long way, and it's not because the person has a grudge against you, instead he is only interested in you going far i.e. the person has not given up on you.

There are plenty of other gems in the book. I like how Randy as an individual basically chased after his dream, and such a dreamer was he. He was willing to take risks, to let everything go , just in order to obtain his dreams, something which I think will be hard for me personally to do..if you have the time, do watch the video, and if you want to experience his words like I did, i would gladly lend you the book. A little bit like Tuesday's with Morrie but i think for me personally, it's much more impactful and relevant.



2. Rubik Cube
Hmm I think all of you should be familiar with the Rubik cube....I was toying with one some moments ago, and a few observations entered my thought (i've never been able to solve a rubik cube)

a. What might seem impossible is actually quite possible.
Well to all us normal average sentient beings not blessed with tremendous intelligence and have not been able to solve a rubik cube in our lives, sometimes it would seem that the cube is just one impossible problem. Can it really be solved? is it for real? maybe it's just a trick to cheat people, u know maybe they mixed up the colour on purpose and there is no real solution. Well when i was young, that was what entered my mind, and that's what caused me to give up on the cube, proclaiming it as simply impossible. Truth of the matter is, it isn't impossible. When the cube is new, all the colours on each face is the same, there isn't any trick to it...simply put, when you turn things around and mess it all over the place, you should be able to turn it back.
Thus an impossible problem actually isn't impossible at all...but anyway, i wont bother to attempt the cube cause i'm not too interested in it (i have Attention deficit disorder i think..hehe)

b. Sometimes things doesn't happen as you want them to
haha okay, so the cube was nicely fixed, all colours on the right face. Being the brat that I am..i wanted to make it a bit more tougher for my brother to solve the puzzle. I wanted to have each of the 9 boxes on each face to be of a different colour... but the more and more i tried, it looks as if i was m ore closer to solving the puzzle than messing it up. Haha i guess the lesson here is that sometimes things just happen, and we shoudln't try too hard. And sometimes we shouldn't want things so badly, that it has the potential to affect us in a negative manner (this will be quite hard for me in certain areas). If not we'll all end up like whiny spoilt brat.

c. Make sure the things that you want to do is possible
okay on the converse of my impossible is possible, make sure that the possible is not impossible. Like i said earlier, i wanted each of the 9 squares to have a different colour on a single face. I was trying very very hard to get 9 different colours on one face, but all the time, I ended up with 2 or 3 squares having the same colour. I forgot, that there are 6 faces on a cube, and thus it is utterly impossible to get 9 colours on a single face, talk about achieving the impossible. Whenever you're doing something, know your limitations, know what you're doing, and know what is possible and impossible.

3. Hair for Hope
well what can I say, a picture says a thousand words and there are plenty in the earlier posts. Enough pictures to make you rich if I would ever become the prime minister, the president or some rock star. You could either a) blackmail me with those pictures, b) sell them to the press or c) do both and end up living a very comfortable life. haha. It's been 20 days since the event and i've got a bit of hair back. I look more like a monk now...and well to be honest i dont quite like this hairless or short hair look. I'm guesssing it'll take me around 2 more months or so for my hair to go back to a length i'm comfortable with. But what the heck, it was for a good cause although it was somewhat traumatizing. I remember sitting on that chair, and seeing the hairdresser pull out clumps and clumps of hair..OH GOSH!!!. Proud of what i did? Certainly. Like my 'new' hairstyle? Certainly not! Do it again next year? only if my donations hit 5k...hehehe shall not announce this to the world. But it goes to show, if we have so much issue with thte hair, what more the kids afflicted with cancer who have more of an inferiority complex, especially when they have to deal with tactless peers.

4. Work
I haven't talked much abnout work yet, just started less than a month ago. But basically this is my work place


I work in the World's Busiest Port! Wow what a statement to make... (as a janitor) haha kidding. but yea that's where I work. Most days, when I'm allowed to go out and play in the yard, I feel like i'm a little kid again playing with all these gigantous monstrous machines and they are really, really cool! Pity that due to security reasons i cant bring ppl around to tour the place. it would be really really cool to show this place to friends and family.
Got a wonderful bunch of colleague that i work with ( have to write this,, at least ONE of them reads this blog, yes YOU! hehehe) but at the moment things are still pretty slow on the work front. We're LIABILITIES to the company (for those who want a refresher in accounting , asset + liability = equity, you want more asset and you want to get rid of liability) and hopefully our liability status will be converted to asset status in a few months time (asset = get more scolding) haha..basically it's still a honeymoon period where we're being exposed to the work environment etc before they let us plunge into the deep end. I'm waiting to see how things will turn out for me and for everyone else here. Exciting times ahead certainly...maybe in another post i'll tell you y i chose this job instead of joining some other MNC, or becoming an investrment banker, or personal banker, or gigolo boy (as if) haha...when i was offered the job, i signed on almost immediately :p (that is how strongly i felt for the company)

till next time...goodnight  ¶ 10:25 PM 1 Comments Links to this post