Mumblings of an incoherent mind...
Saturday, November 26, 2005
(I made) An angel cried tonight
An angel cried tonight,
Innocent tears streamed down her porcelain cheeks,
Little tiny droplets...
Like fine mist...
She cries becuase of sadness in her heart..
Of pain and disappointment..
She cries because i made her cry..
It wasn't always like this...
There was a time when the Angel smiled...
A radiant brilliant smile..
A smile as warm as the sunshine...
But today, the smile was gone...
in its place, were tears instead..
where once it was radiant...
it became gloomy..
I'm truly sorry...
i really am...
for causing u such pain...
such sorrow...
it hurts me so....
to see the Angel cry...
innocent tears...
that water the earth...
I made an angel cry tonight...
the Angel here...refer to the people that we care about in our everyday life.... be it our family, our friends, our siblings or acquaintances. More often than not, we find that we are courteous to others but rude to our own family members....it is often that case that we hurt that people that we care about the most. So next time, please think of the Angel crying, and try not to inflict pain on those you care about. ¶ 9:47 PM 0 Comments
Innocent tears streamed down her porcelain cheeks,
Little tiny droplets...
Like fine mist...
She cries becuase of sadness in her heart..
Of pain and disappointment..
She cries because i made her cry..
It wasn't always like this...
There was a time when the Angel smiled...
A radiant brilliant smile..
A smile as warm as the sunshine...
But today, the smile was gone...
in its place, were tears instead..
where once it was radiant...
it became gloomy..
I'm truly sorry...
i really am...
for causing u such pain...
such sorrow...
it hurts me so....
to see the Angel cry...
innocent tears...
that water the earth...
I made an angel cry tonight...
the Angel here...refer to the people that we care about in our everyday life.... be it our family, our friends, our siblings or acquaintances. More often than not, we find that we are courteous to others but rude to our own family members....it is often that case that we hurt that people that we care about the most. So next time, please think of the Angel crying, and try not to inflict pain on those you care about. ¶ 9:47 PM 0 Comments
Lost Poem
A restless wanderer
He travels...
Aimlessly, without direction...
Engulfed in his thoughts
of nothingness, of emptiness
Faces passes by, but he doesn't see them
Everything blurred, nothing existent
He feels he is in transient,
between this world and the next
emotionless, featureless
without comprehension
Somewhere elsewhere
a gentle sobbing
she cries herself to sleep again..
her pillow wet with tears
She wonders why
such injustice and confusion
the pain that she endures
the endless tribulation
As he roams the streets
his senses are nulled
he has no vision, no direction
no purpose, no satisfaction
And yet he is suddenly enraptured
by a magnificient sight
skyscrapers against the night sky
shining in the twilight
Gentle wawves lashes the coast
A salty sea breeze materialises
Gently blowing, gently lulling
a stark contrast to the cityscape ,its surrounding
He hears his name being called
a gentle whiper, beckoning him
coaxing, cajolling, persuading him
like the cyrens of legends of yore
from the water he came
and to the water he returns
slowly, he takes the plunge
he feels warmth as the water engulfs him, swallowing him...
Finally, without worries
Finally, without fear
His heart now calm
His soul at ease...
ever since young, i've had an affinity to water....i don't know why...i just like being around water...maybe it was due to the fact that i lived near the sea....i still remember the many hours spent at my grandfather's swimming pool when i was much younger, of the time spent at the naval base's swimming pool as well.....
Kelvin is a celtic name..which means man from the water, or man who lives by the river. From the water he came, to the water he will return.... ¶ 9:35 PM 2 Comments
He travels...
Aimlessly, without direction...
Engulfed in his thoughts
of nothingness, of emptiness
Faces passes by, but he doesn't see them
Everything blurred, nothing existent
He feels he is in transient,
between this world and the next
emotionless, featureless
without comprehension
Somewhere elsewhere
a gentle sobbing
she cries herself to sleep again..
her pillow wet with tears
She wonders why
such injustice and confusion
the pain that she endures
the endless tribulation
As he roams the streets
his senses are nulled
he has no vision, no direction
no purpose, no satisfaction
And yet he is suddenly enraptured
by a magnificient sight
skyscrapers against the night sky
shining in the twilight
Gentle wawves lashes the coast
A salty sea breeze materialises
Gently blowing, gently lulling
a stark contrast to the cityscape ,its surrounding
He hears his name being called
a gentle whiper, beckoning him
coaxing, cajolling, persuading him
like the cyrens of legends of yore
from the water he came
and to the water he returns
slowly, he takes the plunge
he feels warmth as the water engulfs him, swallowing him...
Finally, without worries
Finally, without fear
His heart now calm
His soul at ease...
ever since young, i've had an affinity to water....i don't know why...i just like being around water...maybe it was due to the fact that i lived near the sea....i still remember the many hours spent at my grandfather's swimming pool when i was much younger, of the time spent at the naval base's swimming pool as well.....
Kelvin is a celtic name..which means man from the water, or man who lives by the river. From the water he came, to the water he will return.... ¶ 9:35 PM 2 Comments
Monday, November 21, 2005
You know you're not gonna do well when...
You know you're not gonna do well in exam when..
you forget your seat number just as you hop on the bus...
you learn 15 minutes before the exam that the mcq questions has negative markings
you enter the exam hall to discover u're allowed only 2 a4 helpsheets..(not my fault..i had 4 pages..still legal...but on 4 pieces of paper...other modules allows it)
as you're about to start..you zip up your jacket only to find your zipper broken
the 2 parts of the modules that u hope would not come out...comes out as question 3 n 4 in a 4 question exam..
your question reads like an essay...one question probably had 500 words or so..
the one equation you din't bother to put in the helpsheet...is asked to be written down....written down!!!not even derived
sighz
on with the battle! i feel like effort wasted..this was the one module where i put the most effort into... ¶ 7:43 PM 1 Comments
you forget your seat number just as you hop on the bus...
you learn 15 minutes before the exam that the mcq questions has negative markings
you enter the exam hall to discover u're allowed only 2 a4 helpsheets..(not my fault..i had 4 pages..still legal...but on 4 pieces of paper...other modules allows it)
as you're about to start..you zip up your jacket only to find your zipper broken
the 2 parts of the modules that u hope would not come out...comes out as question 3 n 4 in a 4 question exam..
your question reads like an essay...one question probably had 500 words or so..
the one equation you din't bother to put in the helpsheet...is asked to be written down....written down!!!not even derived
sighz
on with the battle! i feel like effort wasted..this was the one module where i put the most effort into... ¶ 7:43 PM 1 Comments
Wednesday, November 16, 2005
Little Boy
There was once a little boy..
He lived in a lonely house..
In a little lonely Corner...
On a lonely road...
this little boy..
seldom ventured out of his lonely house..
instead often hiding in the lonely corner..
on his little lonely bed..
but one day...
the little boy decided..
to walk down the lonely road..
through the streets and to a park..
there in the little park..
he saw other children playing around..
laughing gleefully as they ran around..
on the see saw, swing and merry go round...
from outside the fence, the little boy stood
staring into the playground...
seeing boys and girls playing daintilly...
oh how he longed to be a part of them...
and yet when he entered the playground..
no one came to play with him...
he sat one the see saw...alone..
he sat on the swing...alone...
day by day the boy walked to the park
day by day no one played with him
day by day he sat alone...
and he felt even lonelier than before...
he felt like a total stranger...
looking from the outside watching in..
he felt he didn't belong...
that he wasn't like or could fit in...
and yet one day, something different happened..
a girl by happenstance, saw the boy alone
she saw his sad face and took pity on him....
and that day...the boy found that he wasn't alone anymore...
the girl taught him how to play...
on the swing, the slide and the merry go round..
on the see saw she sat with him...
and the boy finally learnt how to smile...
though they spoke different languages initially..
and couldn't understand each other at the beginning..
day by day their friendship grew....
camarederie and laughter were the order of the day...
but then...something horrible happened...
something that was beyond comprehension...
and suddenly...the girl was no longer there....
and the boy was alone......again.... ¶ 8:25 PM 0 Comments
He lived in a lonely house..
In a little lonely Corner...
On a lonely road...
this little boy..
seldom ventured out of his lonely house..
instead often hiding in the lonely corner..
on his little lonely bed..
but one day...
the little boy decided..
to walk down the lonely road..
through the streets and to a park..
there in the little park..
he saw other children playing around..
laughing gleefully as they ran around..
on the see saw, swing and merry go round...
from outside the fence, the little boy stood
staring into the playground...
seeing boys and girls playing daintilly...
oh how he longed to be a part of them...
and yet when he entered the playground..
no one came to play with him...
he sat one the see saw...alone..
he sat on the swing...alone...
day by day the boy walked to the park
day by day no one played with him
day by day he sat alone...
and he felt even lonelier than before...
he felt like a total stranger...
looking from the outside watching in..
he felt he didn't belong...
that he wasn't like or could fit in...
and yet one day, something different happened..
a girl by happenstance, saw the boy alone
she saw his sad face and took pity on him....
and that day...the boy found that he wasn't alone anymore...
the girl taught him how to play...
on the swing, the slide and the merry go round..
on the see saw she sat with him...
and the boy finally learnt how to smile...
though they spoke different languages initially..
and couldn't understand each other at the beginning..
day by day their friendship grew....
camarederie and laughter were the order of the day...
but then...something horrible happened...
something that was beyond comprehension...
and suddenly...the girl was no longer there....
and the boy was alone......again.... ¶ 8:25 PM 0 Comments
A star will always last...
That's the first line of one of the poem....written by someone that i've not had the opportunity to meet and i guess i won't have the opportunity to meet at all as this individual has already left us.
The particular individual's name is Ryan Yeo, a Sarawakian born on the 12th of October 1984...
An exemplary individual, his life has touched many throughout his years of existence. He rose to the top of everything he did, being head prefect, mentor, head section of his Red Crescent Society. He was even supposed to lead a delegation of students from St Joseph Sarawak to Ipoh for a conference of La Salle schools. Unfortunately, two weeks before they were supposed to leave, he left the world suddenly.
I'm not too sure about the circumstances surrounding his death, but what is sure is that his death left an impact on many others. It was a true loss to the world, to have someone of such calibre taken before his time.
What touched me however, was the words that he had spoen to a friend before....
Also, while we're here, let us continue to strive for goodness and to spread love all around us. Difficult it may seen, but as Ryan said..it feels good to help someone.
In memory of Ryan Yeo, and my apologies for not having had the honour to meet such a distinguished individual
Ryan Yeo ( 12 October 1984 - 13 November 2002)
You're certainly a star that will always lasts in the hearts of those that have known you.
Here's the link to the website dedicated in his memory
The particular individual's name is Ryan Yeo, a Sarawakian born on the 12th of October 1984...
An exemplary individual, his life has touched many throughout his years of existence. He rose to the top of everything he did, being head prefect, mentor, head section of his Red Crescent Society. He was even supposed to lead a delegation of students from St Joseph Sarawak to Ipoh for a conference of La Salle schools. Unfortunately, two weeks before they were supposed to leave, he left the world suddenly.
I'm not too sure about the circumstances surrounding his death, but what is sure is that his death left an impact on many others. It was a true loss to the world, to have someone of such calibre taken before his time.
What touched me however, was the words that he had spoen to a friend before....
It feels good to help someone, try itI've written in my blog many times before...that we truly should be appreciative of our family and friends...and the people around us. There is honestly no more need to emphasize it anymore..but let it be a constant reminder to us.
Also, while we're here, let us continue to strive for goodness and to spread love all around us. Difficult it may seen, but as Ryan said..it feels good to help someone.
In memory of Ryan Yeo, and my apologies for not having had the honour to meet such a distinguished individual
Ryan Yeo ( 12 October 1984 - 13 November 2002)
You're certainly a star that will always lasts in the hearts of those that have known you.
Here's the link to the website dedicated in his memory
¶ 7:52 PM 0 CommentsA Portrait of A Sky
~ ©Ryan Yeo ~
A star will always last...
A star moving so fast,
Yet I am still spellbound by what is casted.
Of a sky so blue,
In a day of dark colours,
As brilliant starry night spray;
Wishing you were here I pray.
The coated clouds of magical touch above,
Delivering droplets of rain and love.
At long last is the angel,
Who is so caring, so special,
Who has once touched my heart,
The feeling remains from the start...
Sunday, November 13, 2005
Night Walk Pt 2
that it wasn’t the world that has changed…
it was he himself….
and so he stepped out of the night....
and into the sunlight....
difficult....but he will try...
this is my midi for the science of music module..basically we need to come up with a 1 minute midi...when i first wrote it...it was right after night walk pt 1...and through the days, i guess the song has evolved somewhat... listen to it here ¶ 5:13 PM 1 Comments
and so the story goes...
he took a walk..
in this loneliest of nights...
each single step...
the burden grew bigger...
his shoulders slumped further..
his mind reminisce..
to a time long ago...
when he felt happiness..
when there were joy and laughter..
when smiles were real and not fake..
when his heart was as light as a feather..
and when he returned
and he was astonished to find…
the smiles were still there..
the laughter were still there..
in all its innocence and joy.
that it wasn’t the world that has changed…
it was he himself….
and so he stepped out of the night....
and into the sunlight....
difficult....but he will try...
this is my midi for the science of music module..basically we need to come up with a 1 minute midi...when i first wrote it...it was right after night walk pt 1...and through the days, i guess the song has evolved somewhat... listen to it here ¶ 5:13 PM 1 Comments
Thursday, November 10, 2005
To be a teacher
sidetrack : To all those who are concerned about me....thank you very much for your concerns...i guess i'm pretty much alright....it's difficult to let go...and i dun think i'm succesful at it....but life has certainly taken a turn for the better.....and anyway exam's in 11 days time.....slowly trying to regain my focus. Thanks for your (yes you!) help....
When i was younger it has always been my ambition to be a teacher. Errm okay maybe that's not so true....you remember the cards we use to fill up in primary school and secondary school? U know that card of your profile...and you have to list down the occupation that you're interested in becoming...when i was in primary school..i always listed peguam (lawyer), hakim (judge) , and juruterbang (pilot)...once in a while i'd put in businessman or something else.. i was never interested in the defence forces though..never did i put police, or army or navy....although i thought fireman will be quite fun.
fastforwawrd about 8 years later....and i find myself arguing with my mom. She wasn't too happy that i wanted to be a teacher....neither could she understand it...but the thing is, my motivation in life has always been quite different from a lot of people...as i've told some ppl, i don view myself highly, material gains don't entice me..but i'm interested in the welfare of others... but that is just my priority by myself...perhaps with someone by my side things will be different as there will be different needs...
anyway.....i must admit that being a teacher is not very financially rewarding. In fact, my mom advised me to be a lecturer instead as lecturers earn a lot more moolah. but the whole idea of teaching is not exactly to earn money...instead i think teaching is a good opportunity to shape the lives of those around u. This is especially so as more and more of our daily life is spent in school. In fact i believe that if it was not for some inspirational teachers that i had, i wouldn't be where i am right now....and it is to these very few teachers that i look up to.. so i feel that teaching is not about imparting knowledge...but also to teach wisdom...to teach the skills of life.. to guide the students into being proper members of society...that i feel is the true calling of teachers.
many times i've seen students who go through secondary school..in fact i know some of them as my classmates..in fm 1 they were good ppl..but somehow as they go through the years and they mix with the wrong company, their attitude to life change, which changes their behaviour and everything else...really quite saddening to see this happen
so the motivation of being a teacher is not due to monetary gain..but it's more to inspire and motivate the children of today to be the leaders of tomoorrow (chewah sounds so chim :p) which is kinda the idea of why i spend so much time in OBS...u see..every year that i return to OBS , i encounter the same activity, the same paths and the same challenges...but the thing that makes it different is the people. So it really is very interesting to see the growth of these people even though it is for 10 days only.
so imagine my surprise...when one of my teachers approached me on msn..telling me that she's depressed..u see it isn't the teaching that's depressing but the bane of contention among alot of teachers is that its not a rewarding enough experience. Credit is not given where its due..in fact it goes to all the wrong places and all the wrong people. Office politics are rampant with backstabbers , sharp tongues everywhere. There is a constant amount of work...be it academic of cocurricula.......
but the whole idea..is i find it weird that the teacher can come to me telling me she's depressed and seeking advice from me...
when does a teacher become a student?
anyway sorry for this long rambling..not exactly sure what's going through my head.... as for me..i'm not too sure whether i still wanna be a teacher or not......i think there are lots of other ways to influence the lives of others....maybe i can be a millionaire and build lotsa charities :p dun ask me wat i wanna be now..i have no idea
¶ 6:55 PM 0 Comments
When i was younger it has always been my ambition to be a teacher. Errm okay maybe that's not so true....you remember the cards we use to fill up in primary school and secondary school? U know that card of your profile...and you have to list down the occupation that you're interested in becoming...when i was in primary school..i always listed peguam (lawyer), hakim (judge) , and juruterbang (pilot)...once in a while i'd put in businessman or something else.. i was never interested in the defence forces though..never did i put police, or army or navy....although i thought fireman will be quite fun.
fastforwawrd about 8 years later....and i find myself arguing with my mom. She wasn't too happy that i wanted to be a teacher....neither could she understand it...but the thing is, my motivation in life has always been quite different from a lot of people...as i've told some ppl, i don view myself highly, material gains don't entice me..but i'm interested in the welfare of others... but that is just my priority by myself...perhaps with someone by my side things will be different as there will be different needs...
anyway.....i must admit that being a teacher is not very financially rewarding. In fact, my mom advised me to be a lecturer instead as lecturers earn a lot more moolah. but the whole idea of teaching is not exactly to earn money...instead i think teaching is a good opportunity to shape the lives of those around u. This is especially so as more and more of our daily life is spent in school. In fact i believe that if it was not for some inspirational teachers that i had, i wouldn't be where i am right now....and it is to these very few teachers that i look up to.. so i feel that teaching is not about imparting knowledge...but also to teach wisdom...to teach the skills of life.. to guide the students into being proper members of society...that i feel is the true calling of teachers.
many times i've seen students who go through secondary school..in fact i know some of them as my classmates..in fm 1 they were good ppl..but somehow as they go through the years and they mix with the wrong company, their attitude to life change, which changes their behaviour and everything else...really quite saddening to see this happen
so the motivation of being a teacher is not due to monetary gain..but it's more to inspire and motivate the children of today to be the leaders of tomoorrow (chewah sounds so chim :p) which is kinda the idea of why i spend so much time in OBS...u see..every year that i return to OBS , i encounter the same activity, the same paths and the same challenges...but the thing that makes it different is the people. So it really is very interesting to see the growth of these people even though it is for 10 days only.
so imagine my surprise...when one of my teachers approached me on msn..telling me that she's depressed..u see it isn't the teaching that's depressing but the bane of contention among alot of teachers is that its not a rewarding enough experience. Credit is not given where its due..in fact it goes to all the wrong places and all the wrong people. Office politics are rampant with backstabbers , sharp tongues everywhere. There is a constant amount of work...be it academic of cocurricula.......
but the whole idea..is i find it weird that the teacher can come to me telling me she's depressed and seeking advice from me...
when does a teacher become a student?
anyway sorry for this long rambling..not exactly sure what's going through my head.... as for me..i'm not too sure whether i still wanna be a teacher or not......i think there are lots of other ways to influence the lives of others....maybe i can be a millionaire and build lotsa charities :p dun ask me wat i wanna be now..i have no idea
¶ 6:55 PM 0 Comments
Sunday, November 06, 2005
Torn Within
"If you truly love someone,
Let him/her go...
If he/she doesn't return
It was never meant to be "
Simple but difficult words...
I wish it was that simple...
But now i'm torn within :'( ...
on a side note...even my guitar is not being very cooperative....one of the strings broke yesterday so i can't play my guitar until i get another string......
Friday, November 04, 2005
Friends that we often forget...
I find for my case....that in many situations...i tend to forget the friends that i have.
I know it sounds weird...but in pursuing a life that i think is ideal for me....in looking out for other people...i disregard those that are already around me...who truly does care about me...i guess in a way, i've taken many of them for granted and i believe i will still continue to do so....so in a way this serves as a reminder to me.
It's been quite a rough patch that i've gone through...and i guess i'm still going through. Healing takes time...and it is a painful process...
Many times, i've figured that i should be able to rough it out on my own, that i shouldn't burden others with my worries. Even now, a lot of times i think that that's true...Although i know its wrong, it's just a fact of life for me...its just how i live my life. There are a lot of things which i keep to myself...as i think that if i've exposed too much, i become very vulnerable. But please don't let this be a hindrance to you. If you find me in a difficult situation, ask the right questions and i'll probably provide the right answers...
To the many friends that i've forgotten, thank you for being there and caring for me. Some read this, others don't..my apologies for that. It's truly difficult to express my sincerest gratitude to you for honestly standing by me, standing in my shadows perhaps (reminds me of the song wind beneath my wings)..and i truly feel sorry that i've disregarded u at times...i'm truly grateful for all of your concerns and i apologise for making you worried. I'm really thankful for all of you being there..providing your support, it's truly quite hard for me to express in words.....but i think you know who you are...
Thank you once again...
may we be friends forever...
Kelvin ¶ 9:54 PM 1 Comments
I know it sounds weird...but in pursuing a life that i think is ideal for me....in looking out for other people...i disregard those that are already around me...who truly does care about me...i guess in a way, i've taken many of them for granted and i believe i will still continue to do so....so in a way this serves as a reminder to me.
It's been quite a rough patch that i've gone through...and i guess i'm still going through. Healing takes time...and it is a painful process...
Many times, i've figured that i should be able to rough it out on my own, that i shouldn't burden others with my worries. Even now, a lot of times i think that that's true...Although i know its wrong, it's just a fact of life for me...its just how i live my life. There are a lot of things which i keep to myself...as i think that if i've exposed too much, i become very vulnerable. But please don't let this be a hindrance to you. If you find me in a difficult situation, ask the right questions and i'll probably provide the right answers...
To the many friends that i've forgotten, thank you for being there and caring for me. Some read this, others don't..my apologies for that. It's truly difficult to express my sincerest gratitude to you for honestly standing by me, standing in my shadows perhaps (reminds me of the song wind beneath my wings)..and i truly feel sorry that i've disregarded u at times...i'm truly grateful for all of your concerns and i apologise for making you worried. I'm really thankful for all of you being there..providing your support, it's truly quite hard for me to express in words.....but i think you know who you are...
Thank you once again...
may we be friends forever...
Kelvin ¶ 9:54 PM 1 Comments
Thursday, November 03, 2005
Night Walk...
The clouds rumbles....
Flashes of light...
The heavens growl...
A bleeding heart...
A lonely soul...
An anguished man...
and so the story goes...
he took a walk..
in this loneliest of nights...
each single step...
the burden grew bigger...
his shoulders slumped further..
his mind reminisce..
to a time long ago...
when he felt happiness..
and yet he wonders..
where has it all gone..
when it was once there...
a time of innocence..
a time of hope...
no longer in existence..
now he sees faces...
all in a masquerade..
fake...and full of lies...
and as he walked..
the gentle mist sprays his face..
cooling his bleeding heart...
he wills the heavens to tear apart...
to pour out its treasure..
to drench his very soul..
and yet even the clouds refused...
maybe they took pity on his poor soul...
maybe even the heavens were mocking him...
and so he continued....
a man aimless...without a destination...
until he returned once again...right to the beginning ¶ 3:15 AM 0 Comments
Flashes of light...
The heavens growl...
A bleeding heart...
A lonely soul...
An anguished man...
and so the story goes...
he took a walk..
in this loneliest of nights...
each single step...
the burden grew bigger...
his shoulders slumped further..
his mind reminisce..
to a time long ago...
when he felt happiness..
and yet he wonders..
where has it all gone..
when it was once there...
a time of innocence..
a time of hope...
no longer in existence..
now he sees faces...
all in a masquerade..
fake...and full of lies...
and as he walked..
the gentle mist sprays his face..
cooling his bleeding heart...
he wills the heavens to tear apart...
to pour out its treasure..
to drench his very soul..
and yet even the clouds refused...
maybe they took pity on his poor soul...
maybe even the heavens were mocking him...
and so he continued....
a man aimless...without a destination...
until he returned once again...right to the beginning ¶ 3:15 AM 0 Comments
